Proof that Not Refusing to Save the Planet Might Not be a Bad Idea

Most people will be very surprised to learn that the world’s population of polar bears has shrunk by almost 60 percent in the last 30 years. Studies carried out by the Polar Wildlife Research Institute (PWRI) show that in 1985 there were more than 23,000 polar bears and today there are roughly 17,000. Research has also shown that the polar ice caps have receded by almost 15 percent in the last 200 years, meaning that their area is now only around 1.5 million square miles. Figures from the Global Climate Monitoring Institute (GCMI) also suggests that the average global temperature has increased by slightly less than five percent in the last 150 years and all indications are that this trend will continue. Unless the world’s population takes notice and changes their behaviours, the GCMI estimates we could see a rise in the average global temperature of up to 20 percent in the next 50 years. These figures are alarming, but what is more alarming is the fact that I made them all up and there is no such thing as the PWRI or the GCMI.

The truth is that there are more polar bears today than there were 30 years ago. The population was indeed shrinking, but research by the WWF discovered that this was caused by a boom in the population of wolves in the Arctic, and these larger number of wolves were killing larger numbers of polar bears than they had previously, causing polar bear numbers to dwindle. (Nobody was counting the wolves, presumable because they are not white and fluffy and cute.) The authorities organised a cull of Arctic wolves and within a short space of time the natural balance was restored and the polar bear community increased accordingly and is now back at a normal level. Research carried out by National Geographic has also proven that the Arctic ice is now thicker than it has ever been. It also covers a greater area than it ever has before when you take into account all the areas that are officially designated geographically as “polar”.

Figures from the Meteorological Research Institute have also established that in real terms, when the global average temperature is measured since records began in 1784, rather than only since the Industrial Revolution (as most global warming proponents do), the overall global temperature has actually decreased rather than increased. It should come as no surprise to you by now to learn that this entire paragraph is also complete nonsense and none of the facts or figures I present within it are true (as far as I know).

The point I am making is simple; if you read something that sounds authoritative and gives lots of ‘facts and figures’, it doesn’t mean you should accept those facts and figures at face value. I am also making the point that there are always at least two sides to any argument and numbers can always be presented in such a way that they paint the exact picture the author wishes the reader to see. But the biggest point I am making is that if you use Google, you will find very convincing arguments for and against just about anything.

However, when it comes to global warming, I really don’t understand why anyone would argue that it is not real. So, what if it’s a hoax? I don’t keep my house clean because I am worried about the effect its disgustingness might have on my neighbours in 200 years, I keep it clean because it makes my house a much nicer place to live and it means everything in it might last a bit longer. (When I say “I”, I mean my maid of course).

The amount of natural resources available to us is obviously not infinite, so obviously we should use them as sparingly as possible. Renewable energies are obviously as close to infinite as it’s possible to get, so obviously we should use them as much as possible. I said “obviously” a lot there. The problem is these things do not seem to be obvious to a lot of people. I hope we can stop arguing about this and just agree that a cleaner world is a better and nicer world, and without a doubt the cleaner and nicer we keep it the longer it will last.

Or will it? Recent research by The World Won’t Last Longer if We Look After It Institute (TWWLLIWLAII) shows that… Nah. I’ve lost you now.

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Eamonn has lived and worked in Indonesia for over 20 years but doesn’t understand the country at all and now realises that he never will. He is an entrepreneur, businessman and writer, lead singer with expat band Xhibit A and the owner and operator of The Jakarta Comedy Club and The Bali Comedy Club.


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